Tactical Nonsense
by RedNephilim
Summary: Short, random scenes from the day to day life of our two favorite tacticians; watch Robin deal will the never ending chaos that are the Shepherds. Alternate title: Robin did not sign up for this.
1. Chapter 1

**Daughters and Bunnies**

Robin was reviewing his plans for the Shepherds' next battle when he heard the flap of his tent open. Turning around he saw his daughter, Morgan enter with a mischievous smile on her face.

Quietly Morgan walked in and sat on a nearby chair by and began to speak, "Hello father-"

"No."

"But father, I haven't even finished saying anything!"

"Yes, but you were about to. And judging by how Yarne was running around and screaming earlier, I can already tell what this will be about."

Morgan pouted but continued anyways, "It's not my fault; he's just too cute for his own good. And as a girl, I am instinctively drawn towards cute things."

"…" Robin just sat on his chair, looking at Morgan incredulously, wondering whether or not not she was serious.

She was.

Robin didn't know how to deal with this. And he dealt with a lot of things. From being an evil dragon god incarnate and having no recollection of who he was before meeting Chrom to dealing with time travelling children from an apocalyptic future and the day to day shenanigans of the Shepherds, he had to think to himself, _should I have to deal with this?_

Unfortunately for him, yes, he did. But that didn't stop him from trying to avoid it.

"Morgan, please, I'm busy making plans for our next battle and I-"

Before he could finish speaking Morgan interrupts.

"Then, perfect! I wanted to talk to you about our next battle anyways so please hear me out father." Morgan says while looking at her father with hopeful eyes.

"…Fine, you may tell me what you want to say." Relenting to his daughter, Robin mentally prepared himself for his daughter to day something incredibly silly.

Clearing her throat, and suddenly looking very serious, to the point that makes Robin feel genuinely surprised, Morgan opens her mouth and says, "May please I be partnered up with Yarne during or next battle? I really, really want to fight alongside him in order to make sure he doesn't run away like always."

Robin blinked. Then he blinked again. Did… did Morgan actually say something reasonable regarding Yarne that didn't involve harassing to poor boy?

"That way I can make sure he survives so I can continue hearing those cute, adorable screams of his."

…Or not. He should've seen that coming.

Sighing, Robin replies, "And please tell me why it is a good idea to terrorize someone who already scared of everything including his own shadow? Because I don't think that is what Yarne needs."

While it was true that he wished for the boy to stop running away from battles all the time, he didn't wish for him to suffer. For one of the last Taguel alive, he did give them a bad name, despite his potential of becoming an overwhelming force on the battlefield. Robin knew for a fact that pairing up Morgan with Yarne would be a bad idea. Yet…

"Please father. I really want to be with Yarne."

He could never say no to that face could he?

"You're allowed to be partnered up with Yarne for our next battle. Just… try not to traumatize him too much okay?"

Smiling, Morgan nodded head. "Of course father, I would never intentionally harm one of my friends now, would I?"

Honestly, Robin didn't want to answer that.

Suddenly jumping up from her seat, Morgan gave Robin one last smile before leaving the tent without saying anything else.

Once Robin was sure that Morgan was gone, Robin continued to review his battle plan before adding some small changes. One which he knew he would most likely regret later that week.

But the more he thought about it, the more he realized how invested his daughter was with tormenting the poor boy. Even though practically everyone at the camp wanted Yarne to stop being scared of everything, most of them did pity him whenever they saw the two of them together.

Sighing, Robin decided that it would be wise for him to take a break and started to walk to towards the entrance of his tent.

"Aw, no need to be shy, I'll make sure nothing's permanently damaged."

"I'm starting to think that YOU'RE permanently damaged! I'm out of here! Oh, and stop calling me Bunny!"

…Yeah, He definitely needed a break.

 **Author's Notes:**

Thanks for reading and review if you enjoyed it! Don't be afraid to tell me if there is a typo or bad grammar in this chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

List of Rules and Regulation of the Shepherd Militia Group of Yllise

The following are rules and regulations written by Tactician Robin that all members of the Shepherds are expected to follow.

* * *

1\. No magic is to be used in or near the cooking tent while people are cooking unless there is an emergency.

2\. No swords are to be used in or near the cooking tent while people are cooking unless there is an emergency.

3\. No weapon use allowed near the cooking tent unless there is an emergency.

4\. Rules 1-3 apply to you too, Chrom.

5\. SULLY IS NOT ALLOWED ON KITCHEN DUTY.

6\. Stahl is not allowed to enter the cooking tent unless he is on cooking duty.

7\. Gaius is not allowed to enter the cooking tent unless he is on cooking duty.

8\. Gaius is not allowed to make sweets as a meal. I don't care how much you like sugar, we are not going to eat candy and cakes for dinner.

9\. Everyone is to give all their desserts to Gaius.

10\. Rule #9 is redacted. Also, Gaius is not allowed to create any rules. Only I am.

11\. Oh come on Bubbles, why not?

12\. Gaius, no. Stop using this book to try to get people to give you more sweets.

13\. If Kellam is found, please report to either Chrom or Robin.

14\. Please do not attempt to take Robin's coat.

15\. GAIUS, STOP TAKING MY COAT.

16\. Make me.

17\. Gaius is not allowed to have any sweets for a week. All of his candy is to be confiscated until my coat is returned. This means you, Gaius.

18\. Gaius is allowed to have sweets again. br /Side note: Do not attempt to take his candy away from him. Who knew he could be so protective over sweets?

19\. The Vaike' is not allowed to use magic tomes. Ever. Under any circumstance.

20\. If Kellam is found, alert anyone in the nearby vicinity. Seriously, we haven't seen him in a week.

21\. Do not make jokes about Kellam's invisibility. We may not always be able to see him, but he still has feelings.

22\. Thanks, Robin.

23\. Wait. Kellam?

24\. Yes, that's me.

25\. Where were you?

26\. Oh you know, around camp.

27\. Miriel is to research Kellam in the hopes of understanding his invisibility.

28\. Do not attempt to make 'The Vaike' wear a shirt.

29\. "For the lols", "YOLO" and, "Just 'cause I can" are never viable excuses to do anything.

30\. Rule #29 applies to the battlefield as well. Really, people?

31\. No jokes about the fallen Pegasus Knights. Especially around Cordelia. I seriously thought this would not have to be made a rule but here we are.

32\. Fredrick is not to be called, "Freddy Bear". Even if it's funny.

33\. All shepherds under the legal drinking age are not allowed to drink alcohol.

34\. Nowi is exempt to rule #33. It doesn't matter if she looks like a child, she's probably older than all of us combined.

35\. Stop placing bets on who can drink more. We all know Gregor would win anyways.

36\. Anna is not allowed access to the Shepherd's gold coffer.

37\. Gaius is not allowed access to the Shepherd's gold coffer.

38\. No one is allowed to make fun of Lon'qu's gynophobia.

39\. Do not give Miriel any unsolvable puzzles or riddles.

40\. Libra is a male. Do not attempt to woo him under the pretense that he is female.

41\. Tharja is not allowed to hex, curse, or use any form of dark magic on other Shpeherds without their consent.

42\. Do not pet Panne without her permission. Just, don't.

43\. No kissing on the battlefield.

44\. Please don't get intimate on the battlefield.

45\. Please do not run into battles alone yelling, "Leroy Jenkins".

46\. Do not charge the enemy yelling, "Leroy Jenkins".

47\. No yelling, "Leroy Jenkins" on or off the battlefield.

48\. Do not force feed bear meat to Frederick.

49\. Respect Olivia. She is a dancer as well as a valued member of the Shepherds.

50\. If Olivia is seen being harassed, you are allowed to 'dispose' of the harassers.

51\. Robin is not allowed to get drunk. Ever.

52\. Minerva is not allowed to eat inside the mess hall. I'm sorry Cherche, but she is too large to fit properly.

53\. Henry is not allowed to use any dark magic off the battlefield without the consent or supervision of Robin.

54\. Henry is not allowed to summon Risen.

55\. However was making bets on who would get together, please stop. It's no fun anymore now that the future children are here.

56\. Lucina is not to be called, "Lu-cena".

57\. Please refrain from making, "I am your father." jokes to Robin. Have some taste people.

58\. Owain is not allowed to be left alone while taking inventory of our equipment.

59\. Inigo is not allowed to flirt on the battlefield. That's just a horrible idea bound to go wrong.

60\. KJELLE IS NOT ALLOWED ON KITCHEN DUTY.

61\. We are not going to attempt to weaponize Sully or Kjelle's cooking. No one deserves that.

62\. Cynthia is not allowed to use gunpowder for her 'heroic entrances'.

63\. Severa is not allowed access to the Shepherd's gold coffer.

64\. Gerome is not to be called Batman.

65\. Please do not attempt to scare Brady, Yarne, or Noire.

66\. Do not make jokes about Nah's name.

67\. We are not to refer Walhart as a "Giant Angry Lobster".

68\. Morgan is not allowed to design weapons.

69\. In the event of facing an evil dragon god, all rules may be overruled.

70\. That means yes, Miriel and Laurent are working on a way to weaponize Sully and Kjelle's cooking.

* * *

A/N: Wow this was late. I have a couple more chapters I was working on but didn't like how they turned out and had to rewrite them a few times. And I'm still rewriting the first chapter as well as those. So this chapter is more or less a filler.

Edit: fixed a few minor typos and other problems. People are always free to point out typos and mistakes.


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